Several of you have sent messages asking me this… where HAVE I been?! What a good question.  I find it difficult to believe it has already been a year since I last uploaded a blog post.  So much has happened in the last thirteen months that it simply required time to process and integrate it all.  To be honest, I have often during that timeframe felt quite stymied as to what to do with these experiences, and how to integrate them in a positive way in order to become yet more myself.

However …..

One of my previous blog posts concerned my father being abruptly uprooted from his assisted living rooms and moved into memory care.  He subsequently had a fall, which placed him first in the hospital, then in rehab, before returning to the memory care unit.  His decline after that point was fairly rapid, and he left this life in March of this year, 2023. 

Two parents gone in less than three years, and neither peacefully or auspiciously.  If any of you work in a senior care facility, please know I don’t mean to disparage your efforts! I recognize how very difficult healthcare is for everyone right now. That said, however, our ongoing experiences were definitely not positive. Just the opposite, in fact.  We can blame Covid and its aftereffects if we must, but I lay most of the blame squarely at the feet of the corporations who have muscled their way into all of healthcare.  Their greed was present even at the very last moments of my parents’ deaths.

In the midst of all that, my husband and youngest son were involved in a horrific car accident that also placed them in the hospital with multiple broken bones and injuries.  Thank God, it wasn’t their fault.  The accident was bad enough, but then we had to deal with the insatiability of the insurance companies.  What a lesson that was!  As I commented to others multiple times during the process of settlement, it was like being forced to play a game for which you knew neither the rules, nor the roles.  Suffice it to say, we were not impressed. The process dragged on far longer than it should have, and caused all of us more anguish than did the accident itself.  (They are both doing fine physically now, thank you!).

Ongoing concerns over the direction of our local churches and the increasingly conservative theology coming out of our archdiocese did not offer me solace, either.  For example, I unexpectedly and without any communication from those in charge (and despite very positive evaluations), found myself “dumped” as a teacher in the lay ministry program in favor of a very traditional and younger Catholic man.   Hmmm…   

The growing season was disappointing. Our beloved dog died unexpectedly. Numerous trees were blown down during several horrific storms which caused us to flee to the cellar. My husband had a difficult shoulder replacement. Add to this the ongoing political turmoil …it was not an easy year.  That age-old question of the reason for suffering rose up more than once.  The Divine and I had plenty of intense heart-to-heart conversations concerning all this.

Likely as a result of those ongoing conversations, however, my relationship with God has only deepened.  What a gift that is, as so easily cynicism and distrust could have been the result. And, as crazy as it is to realize this at 60+ years of age, this past year definitely assisted me in further deciphering who I am, too!   The determination to live what I see as my vocation, that of providing a responsive and personal ministry to others, has only grown.  This calling to feed others – through both spiritual formation / theological education, and nutritious homegrown produce – is stronger than ever.  These recent experiences have shown me even more so how very important such a thing is to the world today. 

I quite get the increasing distrust of institutions – political, corporate, educational, religious.  Far too many who should be caring for the people, and who even claim to do so, are far more interested in protecting their interests.  Rather than reaching out and responding to the needs of the time, they prefer to maintain an outdated status quo that (short-sighted as it is) benefits primarily themselves.  

As for me, well, I have once again had reinforced that I am not a status quo person.  Show me the possibilities!  The prophetic impulse / imagination runs deep. As difficult as this urge can be to live in the world, it is more than time to proudly claim it. The need to call others to grow, to think, and to reimagine, is an integral part of who I am.  I must honor this as a way to heal my own broken heart, and hopefully those of many others.

Honored, claimed, growing. THAT is where I am, and where I will continue to be!